Survivors of Abuse: Physical, Emotional, Sexual
Discussion on coping, dealing, and healing
I was threatened as I child. I’d be killed if I told anyone about being sexually assaulted and abused. Then after my step-father left, I was too afraid to talk. By the time I became completely involved in my writing and started to share my work with other I learned I could relate with people through my writings. I blocked out most of the abuse while it was happening. I find myself fortunate for that fact but as I got older and started to have memories I realized how my flash back affected the people I loved around me. I didn’t want anyone to hurt because of what had happened to me. So I decided to not talk about it. I could not find the healing in communication. People didn’t seem like they wanted to hear about my flash backs. My flash backs weren’t, oh he sat next to me and touched my privates. No not at all. My first sexual acts were with my step-father. I’ve never liked the word “Molestation” It’s doesn’t feel like it gave justice to the sexual abuse I had to endure. The hardest flash back I’ve had to deal with was when I realized my body was reacting to the ways he’d touched me. That memory crippled me for a few days. I couldn’t be quite any more. Slowly I started to talk with the people around me. I started to realize I’m not that unique. It was so hard to start talking as an adult to other adults but I’d found a few other survivors that were dying inside to talk about their experiences. This road hasn’t been easy. When I first started talking with people about my past abuse, I’d get nervous, sweaty; my body would immediately start to hurt. My brain told me to shut-up while my heart longed for understanding. I prayed and I prayed for God to help me heal. All of my wires growing up weren’t right. I became over whelmed with all that I needed to change. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote so I could understand how it really affected me. Through writing, love and communication the pain started to let up. This is why my blog is so important to me. People need to be uncomfortable to face reality. Almost 25% of woman in the USA have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. We can’t heal by closing a door on them. We need to open the door.